Friday, April 25, 2008

Weird Things Moms Save

Moms save weird stuff. Some of the cherished items that my mom-friends have saved as mementos of their offspring's sweet-smelling, cooing, portable baby days include the following:

1. Teeth. Moms have baby teeth stashed in sock drawers and shoe boxes, double wrapped in Kleenex® and zipped into sandwich bags. What are they going to do with them? Did they wash the dried blood off first? One mom told me she once admired the tiny pearls in another woman's brooch, and then learned it was made entirely of her children's baby teeth. Doesn't that remind you a tiny bit of Silence of the Lambs?

2. Hair. OK, maybe it's not weird to save a curl from baby's first haircut. (My kids were so bald that they were practically in sixth grade before their hair was long enough to cut.) But it is kind of weird to save the trimmings from your son's first haircut, and then to give them to his daughter 40 years later. This actually happened.

3. Hospital cap. Come on. This is weird because it's so generic--every baby in every hospital gets the same cap! It's different than saving the tiny, adorable, monogrammed blue-and-pink hat that your Great Aunt Blanche crocheted with her own blue-veined hands.

4. Baby ID label from the hospital. You know--the one that they tape to the plastic bin-on-wheels that they cart your baby around in, that says "Baby Girl Jolie-Pitt" or "Baby Boy Lopez-Anthony." Actually, come to to think of it, maybe it's not so weird. If your baby grows up to be the next George Clooney or Venus Williams, you could maybe sell that ID label on E-Bay for a chunk of change, and finance your retirement.

5. Umbilical cords. I am not even kidding you. My friend admitted that she still had her child's umbilical cord. This does not have any potential future medical benefit, like cord blood; it's just a nasty, dried-up piece of rotting flesh. With sentimental value.

6. The plastic ring from the circumcision. Go ahead. I dare you to make jewelry out of THAT. Stick a diamond on it, maybe, and give it to your son when he's ready to get engaged to a girl who's not good enough for him. Tell him you had it made especially for this day, and you'd be so proud if he'd give it to his best girl. Then later, you can tell her where the band came from. Hee.

7. The positive pregnancy test. OK, people, this is going too far. This is a stick with pee on it. What exactly do you plan on doing with a urine-soaked popsicle stick? Who are you saving it for? I am all in favor of sentimentality--even though I rarely indulge in it myself--but seriously.

What do you think? Is it just me, or are these things weird?

What have you saved that I neglected to mention here? Do you have a zip-lock bag filled with your child's scabs or toenail clippings? Have you hoarded ancient, moldy bath toys to someday bequeath to your hypothetical grandchildren? 'Fess up.


Anonymous said...

J-RO: Wow, I am secretly mentioned again. I feel good! Now I have nothing else to add to the listing!

E. Peevie said...

Ah, J-Ro, that was you! I know which secret mention you're talking about--and I could not remember who told me the story. Otherwise I would have given you full credit, of course.