Miracle on Moody Street

My drains have identity issues. They get confused. They think they're supposed to hold the water in rather than let it out. They collect bodily detritus and dinner debris, and pretty soon we're showering in six inches of water and tadpoles have sprouted in the standing sink water.

In the past, our solution to these drainage problems has been to call a plumber who charges us eight million dollars for the first 30 minutes and $30 million per hour after that just to rod out the disgustingness and open the drains.

But I have discovered a household miracle--or rather, Mr. Peevie discovered it. It's the Drain Claw, a slender, flexible, plastic-coated rod topped with a mascara brush. You wouldn't think this skinny, bendy, cannula would have miraculous powers, but I am here to testify--say Hallelujah!--that it has changed my life. The Drain Claw is the Rod of Release, the Opener of Obstruction, the Penetrator of Plugs.

For $6.99 plus tax, you will never have to call a plumber again just to unclog your slow, tired drains--and you won't have to dump toxic chemicals of death down your drains, either. Bonus for the environment!

The first time I used this little environmentally friendly device, I pulled a hairball out of my shower drain the size of a large squirrel. I would post a picture of it, but you would be so grossed out that you would throw up on your keyboard, and then you wouldn't be able to visit the Green Room any more, so it would not be in my best interest. But trust me. That thing looked like Toonces after he visited Niagara Falls.

If you have drains, you should have at least one Drain Claw in your possession. You can get it online or at a hardware store.

As always, this is an unpaid endorsement, but I would not turn down a lifetime supply of DrainClaws, or cash.