I can't repost my recent rant about why you should stop saying "Happy Mothers' Day" without appearing to be a lazy blogger who has run out of ideas, so instead, I'll add these helpful quotes about mothers and their body parts:
Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. --Harriet Beecher Stowe
Women who miscalculate are called mothers. --Abigail Van Buren
It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers. --Norman Douglas
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --Jack Nicholson
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. --Mark Twain
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. --Phyllis Diller
Yes, mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me. --Alice Walker
I scrolled through about seven zillion quotes about mothers to come up with this list of quotes which have some relationship to my own reality, and which counteract the whole "mothers are perfect angels" drivel that fills the Internets this time of year. Most of the quotes were gushy and overstated, like a Helen Steiner Rice poem multiplied by six Jewish proverbs. I think we should appreciate and honor our mothers in ways that acknowledge their imperfect humanity as well as the parts of motherhood that they got right. If Jeannette Walls can do this, so can I.
My mother was and is far from perfect. But now that I'm a far-from-perfect mother myself, I have a lot more appreciation for her, and I see her sacrifices more clearly. In my mind I can see her sitting on the sidelines of my field hockey games, wearing cotton pedal-pushers and white Keds, her blue hair glinting in the sun. I know now that she probably had other things she'd rather be doing on a weekday afternoon other than getting her butt damp and grass-stained while I cleated around a muddy field in a kilt chasing a white ball with a stick.
But she showed up, and when my friends said, "Hey, look at that lady over there with blue hair!", I was happy to say, "Yeah. That's my mom. She comes to all my games."