Saturday, June 27, 2009

Assault With A Deadly Cheeto

This might be a sign of the Apocalypse: A couple in Tennessee was arrested yesterday for assaulting each other with Cheetos. I can understand arguing, and I can understand assault; but wasting a perfectly good supply of Cheetos? That's just wrong.

It's not the first time Cheetos have been used as a weapon. People, listen: keep your Cheetos locked up so the kids cannot get to them. That way they won't be used as weapons, and also, they'll be there when you want to eat them yourselves. The kids can fill up on apples and grapes.

Although, grapes might be just as dangerous as Cheetos. In my house growing up, we used grapes as missiles, flinging them at each other when my parents were out of the room. This was when we were old enough to know better (in college.) Months later, we'd find them, only by this time they were raisins.

You just know that those pansy liberals in Congress will start passing laws against Cheetos now. And when Cheetos are outlawed, only outlaws will have Cheetos. Do not allow them to infringe the rights of Citizens to keep and bear Cheetos.

Please send $10 to the Save Our Puffy Orange Snacks (care of this blog) and keep Cheetos legal.

4 comments:

Boy George said...

And that story was newsworthy why?

E. Peevie said...

Because of the hilarity factor.

Anonymous said...

Hey BG, this ain't "The New York Times," with "All the news that's fit to print;" it's the "E. Peevie Observer."

Boy George said...

No, I didn't mean why was it here in The Green Room. (It goes without saying that anything posted in The Green Room is absolutely essential reading!) I was just wondering why AP reported it to begin with.