Saturday, January 3, 2009

Monument to Ego

Mr. Peevie recently brought this to my attention: Roland Burris' headstone, a monument to an enormous ego.

On the right side, Mr. Burris has listed his Major Accomplishments, and on the left, hilariously, his Other Major Accomplishments. (I borrowed the photo from the blog The Crypt, which offers commentary on breaking news in Capitol Hill.)

Two additional, carbon-based monuments to his own Goliath ego: Roland Burris' two children are named Roland and Rolanda. Seriously. He even uses the Royal We to refer to Himself. Mmmmmkay.

Roland Burris, like most of us, wants to know that his life had meaning and significance. That he wasn't just another blip on the timeline of humanity--but that his existence added value, so to speak. I get that; I really do. Sometimes, when I'm wiping the smell of pee from my bathroom floor (why can't those boys aim better?!), I wonder about the meaning of life, and in particular, the significance and value of my own life. When I'm folding underwear, or scraping crusty batches of nature from various surfaces in my house, I wonder what people will say at my funeral.

"She was a lousy housekeeper, but she sure had a good throwing arm."

"She really didn't have much of an edit function in her brain, but she was mostly not a horrible person."

"She sure did watch a lot of television."

But anyway, to get back on point, Mr. Burris has written the script, basically, for his eulogy, and had it engraved on his stone crypt, which he sensitively endowed with a comfortable bench for those of you who would like to rest in the shade while you visit with the Spirit of the Trailblazer and ponder his Major Accomplishments and his Other Major Accomplishments.


Does he really not understand that by accepting this contaminated appointment from our legally plagued, morally ambiguous, allegedly sociopathic governor that he is causing his own reputation to depreciate rather than to appreciate?

Or is he so blinded by his own ambition that his brain keeps blocking out messages about integrity, process, and character, and the only ones getting through are the ones that say, "Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. I'm getting this title because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Not that he'd use language like that. He's not the governor, after all. He's a church-going man, causing some of the rest of us church-going folks to wince mightily. Burris even boldly, if not sacrilegiously asserted that his Senate appointment was ordained by the Big Guy.

I'm sure Mr. B has his headstone engraver on speed dial.

Meanwhile, my brother Deedee, who lives in Argentina, accurately and a tad meanly pointed out that Illinois is a lot like a third world country, with its political scandal and pervasive corruption. It's nice to know that our state is the source of so much entertainment to the rest of the country, even the world.

Step away from the Senate seat, Mr. Burris. Drop the weapons (supporters who play the race card, blind ambition, ethical ambiguity), and step slowly away. There you go. Now you can salvage what's left of your reputation.


Dave Haynes said...

Our real monuments are our children, and we both have pretty good ego boosters there. There is a book either out or coming soon that has people describe their lives in six words. we did it at work and had a lot of fun. Mine would be "second star right, on to morning."

E. Peevie said...

What I forgot to mention was that more than 60 percent of voters on The Green Room poll prefer to have yours truly as their next Senator.

And yes, you're right about our monuments.

The book you are referencing is already out--Six Word Memoirs. The online Smith Magazine started it all; here's the link:

I blogged about it here (you must have missed that one):

I love your six-word memoir, BTW.

ladychgo said...

I don't know, E. Peevie, I do feel for Burris...

...although, seems from the last sentence of that Sun Times article that the pot is somewhat calling the kettle black. Seems Burris and his backers like to play the race card as well.

E. Peevie said...

That's what I meant by "drop the weapons [including] supporters who play the race card]--that Burris and his supporters are making it about race, even though it is not really about race. It's about the integrity of the process.

If Mr. Burris had legitimately obtained the Senate seat, I would have no problem with him being our Senator. But he didn't. The right thing to do under the circumstances was to NOT allow our disgraced and disgraceful governor to use him in such an obvious egomaniacal power play. He should have said no thank you, but his ego got in the way.

I have no sympathy for him in these circumstances. He showed that he has no integrity when it comes to furthering his own ambition.

But LadyC--you are obviously a woman of compassion. Go you.

ladychgo said...

Gotcha. Guess I misunderstood you.

Hey, you might be interested in: