Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hair Today

I got my "hair did," as our young black foster child used to say. Here's what my hairdresser chopped off, ready to be stuffed in an envelope addressed to Locks of Love, or possibly Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program:

It's 10 inches long, and thick like a horse's tail. I found myself fighting the urge to swish flies off my own back. After my hairdresser had macheted the ponytail, my head felt 20 pounds lighter. Then he spent another 40 minutes cutting and snipping and measuring and re-snipping, until I thought I'd accidentally asked him to give me the Sinead O'Connor--but, no, I actually had hair left, just barely long enough to brush my shoulder.

Then I sat for highlights, and the customer in the chair next to me admired my thick, blunt-cut locks. Now if only my chins could stop trying to take over my neck and chest, I'd be all hot and smokin', at least from the shoulders on up.

I've been going to the same hairdresser for about 17 years. I've had my hair long, medium-length, butch, permed, straight-ironed, naturally wavy, layered, bobbed, and highlighted. I've had the Farrah Fawcett, the Katie Couric, the Jennifer Aniston, the Beyonce, the Matt LeBlanc, and the cute young professor on

And now, here's what my New Hair looks like:

I am fully aware that I am not the most photogenic person in the world, and I tried my hardest to take a picture that would not frighten off Green Room readers left and right. Mr. Peevie walked in on me while I was flirting with the camera, looking back over my shoulder and flipping my flippy new do like America's Next Top Loser. He just looked at me.

"What?" I said, a trifle defensively. "I'm just trying to take a cute picture of my new hairdo, but I'm not the most photogenic person in the world."

"Ah," he said, and then he added helpfully, "Do you want me to take the photograph from the back?"

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, wins the prize for The. Most. Awesome. Inadvertent. Insult.

There was a giant pause while I tried in vain to remember why I married this man.

"Yes," I said. "Please do. Please take a photo of the back of my head. And be sure to not get any of my hideous face in the shot. Yes, yes, great idea. Just the back. Thanks."

Whatever. I totally feel like a new woman, ready to take on the world with my flippy new 'do.


Anonymous said...

Laughing so hard I'm almost peeing. God bless the poor mis-spoke Mr. Peevie.


nicole said...

FYI I chose Oantene when I donated my hair. Locks of Love will sometimes sell donated hair instead of using it to make wigs. I'm not sure if that bothers you or not. Either way-way to go and it looks great!!!

nicole said...

Like my typo- I mean Pantene. that is what happens when you have to stand up to type because your chair is on the table, so no one can climb on it and end up in the hospital!!!!

E. Peevie said...

Thanks, Buck. And thanks, Nicole. The ponytail is still sitting on my bedroom floor, awaiting its fate.

The selling of the hair doesn't bother me, as long as they are fulfilling their mission of giving wigs to cancer kids.

Keep those kids out of the ER!

Anonymous said...

JRO: I LOVE YOUR NEW DO!!!!!!!!!!!! That poor Mr. Peevie. You know he had no idea (as many men) how the words would roll off his lips and hit the ears of those around him

Alexzandria said...

Congratulations on having way too much hair! "Locks of Love" does not, in fact love locks, so I won't be donating any of my hair for quite some time, but I do support anyone who supports charities.

Do you miss the hair, or are you relieved to have it out of the way?

E. Peevie said...

Alex--do you have insider info on LofL? Dish.

I don't miss it at all. My new haircut is easy to pull off--I wash and style it once a week, and that's all! With the long hair, it never looked great unless I spent a lot of time on it, which I rarely did.