Ten Things I Just Don't Understand

10. A trillion of anything.

9. How a person can justify taking a bonus of any amount, let alone a million dollars, when they've run a company into the ground instead of making it better.

8. Why small business owners think it's a good idea to go on camera in their own TV ads. Don't their production companies advise them against this? Lawyers and car dealers are the worst offenders. People--it just doesn't work. Your ads are obnoxious and annoying! Hire professional actors!

7. Why Adam Sandler is so popular.

6. Why Arrested Development was cancelled.

5. Why people make a big deal out of graduation...from preschool. Or kindergarten. Or elementary school. Or 8th grade. Isn't that setting the bar pretty low, to act like it's a major accomplishment? Stop it, people! Just say no to preschoolers wearing caps and gowns.

4. How anyone can resist bacon; and on a related note: how can bacon be so delicious and also, so useful. I believe the more bacon you eat, the lower your chances of getting swine flu. (Props to J.Ro.)

3. The Twitter craze. Can you explain it to me?

2. How an airplane that weighs 187,000 pounds can fly.

1. And the number one thing I just don't understand: How all the actions of Evil-Good-Evil-Again Tony make any sense at all if he was really Evil Tony all along. This point is moot, of course, now that we know that Evil-Good-Evil-Good Tony was out to avenge Michelle's death throughout the course of Day Seven. I guess he was just cackling insane, like Rush Limbaugh.