Bonding Over Farts. Yes, Farts.

My mom will not appreciate this post because she thinks the word "fart" is vulgar. I, on the other hand, think the word is indispensable. Especially in this story.

This morning Mr. Peevie and I were lying in bed cozily, talking about bodily functions.

"What time did you wake up?" I asked.

"Five-twenty," said the unfortunate Mr. Peevie. "I got up to go fart and pee."

"You actually got out of bed in order to go somewhere else to fart?" I asked. I was impressed with his sense of duty and consideration. I really hit the jackpot, marrying this dude. Little did I know.

"Well, since I had to pee anyway, I waited to fart until I got to the bathroom," said Captain Consideration.

"Nice," I said. "Thanks. Although, did you know that you frequently fart in your sleep?"

"I do?" said Mr. Peevie. "No, I was not aware of that."

"Well, it's true," I said. "I'll be sitting there watching TV, and you'll be farting away in your sleep."

"Huh."

"Do I fart in my sleep?" I asked?

"No," said the man I love, "you have way better manners when you're asleep than when you're awake."