tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post4549379223280015877..comments2023-09-09T10:29:29.789-05:00Comments on The Green Room: Remembering CaitlinAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17709842445396738547noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-57906640644081980292008-04-29T00:18:00.000-05:002008-04-29T00:18:00.000-05:00TerriB, I think the bit about not remembering pain...TerriB, I think the bit about not remembering pain was from a brain study, and it was about physical pain rather than emotional pain. But I still call bogus.<BR/><BR/>After we lost Caitlin, I realized for the first time that people who have lost someone they love might be blessed to have the loss remembered, and to have a conversation about their loved one, even long after the death. Like most people, I avoided these conversations, believing that they brought more pain.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry about your dad.<BR/><BR/>E. PeevieAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17709842445396738547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-70886490771040995102008-04-22T16:13:00.000-05:002008-04-22T16:13:00.000-05:00"An absence of a presence" -- that is a very good ..."An absence of a presence" -- that is a very good way of putting it.<BR/><BR/>I'm baffled by the person who wrote that we forget the pain of grief. After a period of time, a feeling of loss is more prevalent than the pain of grief, but even years after my father's death I occasionally find my breath sucked away by the memory of the pain I felt when he died. Maybe the person writing has never lost anyone? Weird.Terri B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12215878121282668358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-83010791117471313292008-04-22T10:05:00.000-05:002008-04-22T10:05:00.000-05:00Corduroy, I wanted to respond separately to your c...Corduroy, I wanted to respond separately to your comment about parenting and discipline.<BR/><BR/>I think you have said a wise thing: that using other forms of discipline is NOT an easy road. Spanking can get quick results; but at what cost?<BR/><BR/>Non-corporal punishment takes, it seems to me, far more thought, engagement, and teaching time than corporal punishment. I sometimes feel that my parents spanked me not because it was the best discipline choice but because it was the most efficient.<BR/><BR/>BTW, I HAVE been there with the lying thing. Probably every parent has. I think lying is the biggest threat to a parent/child relationship there is. Bigger than sex, drugs, hitting, you name it.<BR/><BR/>I think you handled your situation beautifully. The point about discipline is first to teach, right? And you used that opportunity to teach your little guy what it means when he tells a lie. You didn't scare him or hurt him, you taught him! Beautiful!<BR/><BR/>E. PeevieAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17709842445396738547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-55513084119803042062008-04-22T09:54:00.000-05:002008-04-22T09:54:00.000-05:00Corduroy--you have made my day. Thanks for the af...Corduroy--you have made my day. Thanks for the affirmation.<BR/><BR/>And yes, life goes on after the loss of a child--but not only does it go on, but blessings abound. It's hard to imagine when you're in the middle of pain and loss, but it happens.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17709842445396738547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-7174792673900441622008-04-21T22:55:00.000-05:002008-04-21T22:55:00.000-05:00Now, what I was going to say about my favorite blo...Now, what I was going to say about my favorite blog is my favorite blogs are all the ones with “family life” labels or more specifically about parenting. Over a year ago my other half and I were struggling with a serious parenting issue – corporal punishment. That is, to do it or not, and why do I feel so bad whenever I DO use it. I’ll not go on with all the complications of that topic here but I went to E. Peevie for some advice. I learned from this conversation that I wasn’t alone with my aversion to spanking. (Can I say this?!) <BR/><BR/>ANYHOW, what I’m getting at. E. Peevie helped me sort through this over a year ago, and looking back I can say it has NOT been the easy rode, to use other methods of discipline. But I want to share it has been most rewarding for me and us. Summing up what E. said to me is something like this: “A problem with spanking is it tries to change inside problems from the outside, and it doesn’t do a good job at that.” That stuck with me. That little comment was a seed planted in my puny head. What slowly grew in me was I realized my problem wasn’t about “spanking” anymore. <BR/><BR/>So here’s the “a ha” moment to share. You probably have never been there, but recently I caught one of my kids in a lie. My first reaction was to tell him, “Why did you lie to me?! You KNOW that’s wrong!” Instead I caught myself and said, “I want to tell you something buddy. When you tell the truth to someone, you show love and respect. When you lie to someone you don’t show love and respect.” I don’t know where that came from, but I was so proud of myself as a parent right then and there. Because it clicked. I saw in this little 4 year old a light go on. He realized lying to mommy and daddy isn’t showing love and he felt bad. <BR/><BR/>Granted, I still gave him a time out to think about it. And told him if he did it again that day, there’d be a worse consequence, like no chocolate milk for snack time, or something horrible like that. But what I saw before my eyes was a change is his behavior from the inside out. It was great. (FYI…he did end up lying again! But he hasn’t forgotten my little maxim.)<BR/><BR/>So that’s why my favorite blogs here are on parenting. Because E. Peevie is one of my ultimate parenting heros.James Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06298488128542417560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3247899948019262860.post-46093937081385905102008-04-21T22:49:00.000-05:002008-04-21T22:49:00.000-05:00Long time casual observer…first time responder. S...Long time casual observer…first time responder. <BR/><BR/>So, I finally decided to get involved in this blog. Here’s why: 1. It’s been a full year and I haven’t responded yet. I figured it was time to stop freeloading. 2. I was in the shower just moments ago, thinking, “Hey, I’m going to respond to that anniversary blog tonight!” 3. I had a great parenting weekend this past weekend.<BR/><BR/>Like I said in 2, I was thinking I’d respond to the anniversary blog and write what my favorite blog was, then I got on-line and saw this one. And I feel like I have to say something about it. But I don’t know what to say other than saying what first comes to mind...which is the thought of loosing a child scares the absolute crap out of me. I feel sorta guilty for saying that since E. Peevie you and your family HAVE lost a child. The other thing I should say is you, the Peevie family, give me a little bit of hope: if that most dreaded day ever comes to me, I know life (even painfully) can go on.James Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06298488128542417560noreply@blogger.com